Every single year I swear I’m not watching Big Brother - after all, it’s pretty sad sitting in your house watching people sitting in a house. But I’ve somehow managed to watch the catch up episodes for the last 3 days.

I must say that I’m so very glad that Alexandria was removed from the House, she was a bully with a capital B. I’m not one for confrontation but I could see myself arguing with that girl. Who made her the food god anyway?

Hopefully I won’t get too hooked on this series, but I’m all for Luke winning. He’s such an old man even though he’s younger than me, it’s so funny. And I can see where people think that he looks like Justin Timberlake, albeit a very nerdy not-so-hot J.T.

I have been doing a lot of thinking about my life recently; where I am, what I want from life etc. Up until now everything has just been this big game to me - I still feel like I’m 16 years old when the truth is that I’m 22. There are so many things that I should be able to do by now but because I don’t take life seriously I’ve never completed things that other people my age have. The only responsibility that I have is work - counting £1000s of pounds daily and opening or closing the shop. Not really impressive, is it?

Other people my age have been able to drive for 5 years, have their own cars and houses - heck some people I went to school with are now parents, married and in some cases, dead (ok, that’s not what I want from life but that’s where we all end up so I suppose it’s inevitable).

I can’t even manage 4 weeks worth of wages, you can guarantee that by week two I’m all out of money, granted half my wages go straight to my mum to pay back my debt to her but that still leaves me with £100 a week to myself, and it goes all too quickly. I might want to grow up and buy a car and have children (oh, and pay for everything else that goes with them..food, clothes,a crib, crib bedding, toys, pram, high chair) but if I can’t even manage to survive a month when all I have to pay is my bus ticket then what chance do I have?

So I’ve set myself a goal, after having a really long hard thing about this. I’ve managed to cut my smoking down to around 15 a day, but I want to get this down to 10 and then 5 and the none. The money that I save on cigarettes is going into my ISA. Well, most of it anyway. That means that when I pass my driving test, which should be within the next 6 months), I’ll have a bulk of money to either pay a deposit on a new car or buy an older one outright. Failing that, it’ll be used for a deposit on a flat. I’ve given up the thought of living with the boyfriend and I’ve worked out that in one years time I’ll have paid off all my debts so any money I have left I can spend on moving out or a car, or both.

I’m hoping to be living on my own again within 18 months - with or without the boyfriend living with me. I actually managed really well when I moved out of my mum’s house before until I lost my job but I have about 95% job security where I am at the moment and the only place I can go is up - and with that comes better wages.

My plan is that if I write about it here then I can’t give up saving and moving towards my goals - that is the idea anyway. I’m sure I’ll stick to it.

Something crazy has happened to my taste in music. It’s flipped. Don’t understand it, I’m a hardcore rock chick. Nine Inch Nails is my chill out music, AC/DC wakes me up in the morning. And yet looking at my Last.fm top list for the last three months you’d never know that!

1. Timbaland
2. Flo Rida & T Pain
3. Basshunter
4. AC/DC
5. Scouting For Girls
6. Black Eyed Peas
7. The Killers
8. Britney Spears
9. The Fratellis
10. Rihanna

Ok, so there’s some AC/DC and Fratellis in there but everything else goes against the grain of my musical taste over the last 5 years. I blame the guys in work - we mainly listen to their music since it’s more mainstream than mine and they’re influencing me into music I never, ever thought I would enjoy.

I’m enjoying finding out that I’m not just your typecast rock fan, I’m completly in love with Flo Rida - Low at the moment and I’m seriously digging 50 Cent too, much to the annoyance of the boyfriend.

So, expand my music collection. Tell me your favourite artist, album, single - whatever genre. As it turns out I’m more musically open minded that I thought I was!

Messy Room, originally uploaded by Melissa Gray.

This is a photo I took of my room on the 22nd April. It’s now the 3rd June and even though I tidied it all back then, it’s in an even worse state now. So my task for this afternoon is to completly gut it.

I’m going to rearrange it, throw out everything that I don’t need anymore (like 8 year old nail varnish, anyone?) and sell anything that’s still in good nick and people will find useful, like my old Dell Inspiron for spares & repairs only mind because it’s wrecked.

I can also see all my books being sold, they’re threatening to take over my room at the moment, as well as clothes. I have so many but can never find anything to wear. I’ve been to Oxfam 4 times so far this year and yet I still keep finding more clothes lying around…not to mention that bags and bags of my stuff that’s at the boyfriends house.

Right, enough blogging - I’m going to tidy. Anything to take my mind off the fact I’m not smoking and have a horrid pain in my lungs :/

Amy Winehouse, why do I have such an obsession with her car crash life? I’m not even that much of a fan of her music, but her life is riviting to me but it also makes me so sad that one person’s life could be so fucked up and what she needs is away from the cameras and to finally get clean - I pity her, feel for her and love her all at the same time. It’s a horrendous state of affairs really, the poor girl obviously needs to get checked into drug rehab again for her own safety.

Only yesterday she was given into trouble from court officials for passing on love messages to husband Blake Fielder-Civil during his hearing for his upcoming court case for perverting the course of justice, according to The Mirror. She also managed to be 4 hours late for the hearing!

Asked “How’s Blake looking?”, she replied: “He’s as gorgeous as f***. Haven’t you seen him before?” Minders then bundled her into a car.

Love, if you think he’s fit as fuck you really do need to clean up your act!

I’ve been looking at purchasing a new laptop for my partner. Yes, he has a super-dooper fast computer for all the games that we play but I’d love to get him a nice, reliable laptop for when he’s just wanting to sit and browse the internet, or even for when we’re out playing pool in his garage. There’s often a reason for us to jump online and check something when we’re out there and I usually do it via my iPod Touch, but that kills the battery a bit.

Saying that, I have just bought the pool table so he’ll have to wait a little while for a new laptop! And before I get him one, I need more ram for my laptop so that I can play The Sims 2 without it crashing all the time. Grr, so annoying!!

I wonder how easy it would be to set up my own commercial real estate website, like a comparison site or something. It’d be interesting to see how much money I could make, in such a high-income area.

Everybody who works in real estate or estate agency area seems to get paid so well, and goddamn I want to be paid better than I currently am.