100 Facts

Melissa Gray can speak braille.
Melissa Gray can slam revolving doors.
Melissa Gray can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
Melissa Gray does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Melissa Gray goes killing.
Melissa Gray and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
Melissa Gray beat a wall at tennis. Yes. A WALL.
Melissa Gray does not sleep. She waits.
On her birthday, Melissa Gray randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Melissa Gray sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with her eyes open, and she looks pissed off.
Melissa Gray is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why she can only kick through doors.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Melissa Gray says its beef, then it’s beef.
Melissa Gray doesn’t have to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Tall buildings duck under Melissa Gray.
Melissa Gray was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when she managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
Melissa Gray doesn’t read books. She stares them down until she gets the information she wants.
World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, Melissa Gray ate Kobayashi.
Melissa Gray died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell her.
Melissa Gray once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Melissa Gray can kill 100 percent of whatever the heck she wants.
Melissa Gray sleeps with a night light. Not because Melissa Gray is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Melissa Gray
Melissa Gray is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Melissa Gray doesn’t have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
Melissa Gray’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Melissa Gray.
Melissa Gray’s dog is trained to pick up her own poop because Melissa Gray will not take crap from anyone.
Melissa Gray once stated that she "doesn’t wail on sissy boys." This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that Melissa Gray was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.
When Melissa Gray gives you the finger, she’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Melissa Gray always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
If you play Led Zeppelin’s "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Melissa Gray laughing at you.
Melissa Gray has beat the crap out of so many people over her brilliant life that most medical journals now classify her as a laxative.
Melissa Gray can kill two stones with one bird.
Whenever Melissa Gray plays Chutes and Ladders, she treats the chutes as ladders, because she’s not some sissy who can’t climb up a plastic slide.
Melissa Gray counted to infinity - twice.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Melissa Gray.
On a high school math test, Melissa Gray put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. She got an A+ on the test because Melissa Gray solves all her problems with Violence.
Melissa Gray had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow, and anywhere Melissa Gray went the lamb was sure to go. So she killed it.
Melissa Gray’s blood type is WD-40.
Melissa Gray can predict the shuffle on her iPod.
Melissa Gray puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Melissa Gray destroyed the periodic table, saying Melissa Gray only recognizes the element of surprise.
Melissa Gray can delete the Recycling Bin.
Melissa Gray can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Melissa Gray became a vegetarian not because she loves animals, but because she hates plants.
When Melissa Gray plays any video game, God mode automatically turns on.
You are what you eat. That is why Melissa Gray’s diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
Melissa Gray invented the hammer when she was tired of using her forehead to slam nails into wood.
The last man who made eye contact with Melissa Gray was Ray Charles.
Melissa Gray’s family wraps her holiday presents in lead, so she can’t see what’s in them.
Melissa Gray irons her shirts while she’s wearing them.
The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Melissa Gray and forgot to pay her back.
What scientists thought was natural selection is actually only the continued survival of animals Melissa Gray has found too chewy to eat.
Melissa Gray was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
Onions do not make Melissa Gray cry. Melissa Gray makes onions crap themselves.
If you haven’t seen Alien vs. Predator yet, don’t bother, Melissa Gray wins.
Melissa Gray is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
Melissa Gray once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Melissa Gray allows to live.
Only once has Melissa Gray ever cried. The only survivors were a bunch of animals and some dude named Noah.
Melissa Gray is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
Melissa Gray can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Melissa Gray once got caught doing 100 in a 50 zone. The cop did give her a speeding ticket, however Melissa Gray still pleads her innocence to this day, stating that she was simply out for a morning jog.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Melissa Gray has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Melissa Gray used to beat the crap out of her shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind her.
The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Melissa Gray punched herself in the face.
Crop circles are Melissa Gray’s way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down.
Melissa Gray wears a cup not to protect herself, but to protect the players on the other team.
When Melissa Gray goes to donate blood, she declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Melissa Gray owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped her win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite her holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
Melissa Gray can make a paraplegic run for her life.
The only time Melissa Gray was wrong was when she thought she had made a mistake.
When Melissa Gray deletes files from her computer, she doesn’t send them to the Recycle Bin. She sends them to hell.
Melissa Gray invented black. In fact, she invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Melissa Gray is going to walk.
Giraffes were created when Melissa Gray uppercutted a horse.
Once a cobra bit Melissa Gray’s leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Melissa Gray could use to kill you, including the room itself.
The word "gay" derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as "He who has not yet been introduced to Melissa Gray."
Superman owns a pair of Melissa Gray pajamas.
Melissa Gray does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever she goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever she leaves, she leaves a State of Destruction
When Melissa Gray gets pulled over she lets the cop off with a warning.
Weeping Willows are a result of Melissa Gray yelling at trees for not being tough enough.
The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Melissa Gray’s basement was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.
Melissa Gray played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
Melissa Gray was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Melissa Gray doesn’t play "hide-and-seek." She plays "hide-and-pray-I-don’t-find-you."
The movie Ray is loosely based on the life of Melissa Gray, only they substituted piano playing for eating toddlers, and blindness for the ability to fly.
If at first you don’t succeed, you must not be Melissa Gray.
Melissa Gray can watch a season of "24" in just three hours.
Getting murdered by Melissa Gray counts as a natural cause of death.
Melissa Gray is the only one who can "try this at home."
Melissa Gray is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for her left and right legs.
Melissa Gray can tie her shoes with her feet.
Melissa Gray has the heart of a child. She keeps it in a small box.
Melissa Gray knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow (African *AND* European).
When Melissa Gray enters a room, she doesn’t turn the lights on, she turns the dark off.
Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped Melissa Gray’s house one Christmas.
The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: Melissa Gray was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
Circles exist because Melissa Gray beat the crap out of some squares.
Melissa Gray was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Melissa Gray and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Melissa Gray does not know where you live, but she knows where you will die.
If Melissa Gray wants some shade, she stares the sun down until it eclipses.

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100 Facts

Melissa